I am just sitting doing my prayer and meditation and I got a thought to write into Roundabout, so I’ve put it into action. When I first came into AA it took me a wee while to understand what it was all about, I’d tried many times myself to stop drinking, and couldn’t do it.

It was great for me to learn in AA that I suffered from an illness, that when I took the first drink it set up a craving and I would need more, and that I had a mental obsession which was that my head kept telling me that it would be different next time, basically that I could control alcohol. It’s a great freedom for me not to have that mental obsession today, I love being sober, one day at a time,

The only thing was, on my journey I wasn’t happy and sober, so I had to learn there was more to it; I had stopped drinking but my thinking was still the same, I didn’t realise once I got a sponsor and went through the Programme that in Step Four I was selfish, self seeking, dishonest, and inconsiderate. I was amazed because I would blame everybody for everything and didn’t realise there were motives underneath all my actions, because I ran on fear all my life. Now I have God in my life, I have more faith than fear. GOD helps me in a day to be the opposite of my defects, to be selfless, honest, considerate, without being a self seeker. It’s brilliant to want to do Twelve Step work and not want anything back and to help someone automatically and not give it another thought, because they help me as much as I help them; it’s definitely God given.

Only God can help me love people, and I am so grateful to have found God and Alcoholics Anonymous. I am not in emotional turmoil every day and I have peace and contentment most days, which I’ve looked for all my life - to be honest that is all I want. There are some days I struggle with insecurity, I do what’s suggested, pray and phone my sponsor. My partner is understanding and I know God is healing me. I am good to myself and I can be myself. It’s all down to God and the people in AA.

God Bless,
Wendy, Burnbank 12 Step Group