In my early days I was under the impression that the people who sat at top tables were teachers who were very wise and who had been trained to explain all about the Fellowship. There was also this problem of ladies being in AA and sitting up there at top tables. How could I be expected to identify with them? Luckily I listened and identified with their emotions and heartaches. I just knew that I would never be able to tell my story as it didn't seem to be as dramatic as some of those I was hearing.
I had been in AA for about a year before I had the nerve to sit at the top table to share my sorry tale. Everyone said that I was wonderful and that I had done a good job. I didn't think so as I thought that I had become so mixed up about events as I had told myself so many lies, which only I believed, that I could no longer be sure about the details of my drinking life. The first time I was asked to share at a top table, due to the invited guest not turning up, I was livid. Why had they not asked me in the first place!! I was so full of pearls of wisdom that I could not understand why I was not asked to share at every meeting I went to. Luckily, for me that phase passed and I realised that today my only desire was to be accepted as a normal member of a group.
Once I was asked at the last minute to share. The chairman then spoke for about 40 minutes so I kept my share down to about 20 minutes which would keep us within the format times. The chairman then went round the room for comments and only three people had a chance to share with the chairman taking up the other 30 minutes. At the end of the meeting I thanked the chairman because I realised that he was only out to help everyone and to share his gratitude so I took no offence to the amount of time he had spoken for.
I know many top tables have their own tales to tell, such as the time two different people were asked to share at the same meeting on the same night. One of them, realising what had happened said nothing, so allowing the other man, who had travelled further, to go ahead and share. I accept that the man who kept quiet was in fact putting this wonderful Programme of Recovery into practice and must have gone home feeling very satisfied.