Before I chapped the door of Alcoholics Anonymous with a plea for help, there were many things that needed changed in my life. The one that I found needed urgent attention was my own thoughts of others.

All through my drinking days I put other people into three categories. The first was people that I liked - usually the people that drank the same as me, so, it was no surprise that they were top of my list.

The second was people that I disliked and there were many. Unfortunately many of this group were members of my family and close friends. The disliking of those family and friends only appeared when I was in the grips of my illness. The reason was always the same as they did everything in their power to try and help me combat my illness. As I was not ready in my mind to stop drinking all I thought was that they were trying to spoil it for me.

The third was the people that I could use to my full advantage. I never gave them any second thoughts after I had used them for scrounging money and covering for me or for any other deed that I would find useful.

So, when I entered into the Fellowship I had to dismiss my thoughts about others and stop placing our members into those same categories as before. I had to open my mind and not dismiss what was suggested to me. When I was drinking I could easily dismiss other people’s ideas and opinions as only my ideas or opinions were right.

It came to me very quickly, I am glad to say, that what was working for a member could work for me also, if I opened my mind. All I had to do was try.

That was the hardest thing I had ever been asked to do, just try. I knew in my own heart and head that if I dismissed their guidance I would get nowhere and very quickly I would be back out the door to be greeted by the despair and misery which I left standing at the door when I entered.

It was not all that straightforward as I still had negative thoughts and would tell myself that some suggestions would not work for me even though it was okay for them. I did try, but not everything suited me, and so, I put it aside not to be discarded, as I could try again at a later date if required.

I found to my surprise many things that I enjoyed doing in AA. Being involved at group level was fantastic as I was never given responsibility when I was in action, also just knowing that if I tried to do things nobody was going to judge me on my efforts, and that alone gave me a great comfort as I had lived a life of fear always wanting to be praised for my efforts and to be liked.

I have now discovered that what people think of me is not that important, no matter what category they put me in, as I no longer have my three bands of people in my life - just the ones that I love and respect.

PAUL
East Kilbride,
Tuesday Night, Murray Owen Centre