I am not too concerned that you have been out there trying it again. Some of us have had to do that just to prove to ourselves that we are not alcoholics. In that, you are not unique, as on our last meeting that did shine through, that you were uncomfortable with the uncertainty as to whether you were an alcoholic or not. Then the fear of your colleagues finding out was of concern to you as well, so it would not have mattered too much what I would have said that day, for you would always have had that lingering doubt which would ultimately have crucified you until you eventually drank again. That is now behind you and it is very much starting from scratch from today. Unfortunately, for some, they do it time and time again and some do not make it back and may well pay the ultimate price. Who knows but God - some of us do not get a second or even a third bite at the cherry. We will need to meet up again and sort out some kind of programme for you to work on. It matters not one jot how long you take to do it but most people want sobriety yesterday and, unfortunately, we are never going to get it yesterday as yesterday is gone, but we can start today, getting sober and staying sober. Our journey can be likened to building a house - we have to have firm foundations in the acceptance in depth of Step One, not just an admission but acceptance. However, we need to put some cement to it all through the understanding of Steps Two and Three in having a belief and, if necessary, a blind faith to start with, but a faith for all that, in something or anything that you are comfortable with. Those most early in sobriety often elect to go for the Fellowship as they can see sobriety all around. That is how we start to build firm foundations, along with getting plenty of meetings under your belt, the more the better. The common mantra then would be ninety meetings in ninety days and ‘if you are in here you are not out there’ and so on. Now the trickier part. We have to start laying the bricks for our walls. This will take time just as the Steps will do. With Steps Four to Eight you are building your walls and partitions the way you like them to be. Then from Steps Eight to Ten (yes, Step Eight overlaps) now you are putting in the windows as things are becoming clearer and you now feel that you are getting somewhere at last. Then Steps Eleven and Twelve being the roof, you are now starting to feel really comfortable as you are now protected from the elements all around. However, we have to be aware of the broken windows or storms which may take our roof away, for if we do not maintain our house, our house that we strived so much to build, we can very easily lose it all. Through Steps Eleven and Twelve we keep having to look at the building as a whole for any damage that we may sustain because we are not keeping our house up together or in order. For a house that is built on unshakable foundations and everything above ground is built to a good solid standard throughout, should serve us well in sobriety, so long as we do not forget where we came from and where we are at, at the present time, for we are forever changing just as all those around us. We have to regularly take stock and continue to maintain our house as we do in sobriety. I wish it were just that easy as it states in the opening line of Chapter 5: Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Like all good houses it is going to take time, effort and willingness to get where you want to be. Francis