Alcoholics behave in particular ways because of particular - let's say "foibles". Human beings behave in particular ways because of conditioning, past experiences, circumstances, etc. So a human alcoholic has a deal of conditioning going on inside them. This is part of the purpose of Steps 4 - 9.
We clean house. We remind ourselves, and reinforce the belief, that we are alcoholic, then we analyse the behaviours that we particularly manifest, as opposed to any other alcoholic. We may do the same things as other alcoholics do, but sometimes our motivation is different and unique to ourselves. Having analysed our behaviour as exhibited in Step 4, (Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves), we know exactly what we are admitting to God, to ourselves and to another human being. We are admitting that we are fearful, angry, and unable to take responsibility, unreliable, envious, and full of arrogance and pride, or whatever the triggers happen to be. The actual acts manifested by them, for which we apologise, are less significant to us at this point, but still important to those to whom we ultimately make amends. But, for us alcoholics the most important thing is in understanding what drove us to manifest this behaviour. These are the defects of character. They will not all be desperately bad. We may take pride in achieving things, but have to always let people know that the achievement is ours. God would ask us to take pride in a job well done, one that was driven by His will, and not by ours. Perhaps the defect of ego - the achievement is mine! - will need to go. We also may be developing some awareness at this point of exactly what it is we are making amends for. Maybe not for speaking horribly to someone, but for being a person so ruled by fear and lack of self-worth who used to speak horribly to people.
How can we ever forgive ourselves if we do not understand what we are forgiving ourselves for? How can we stop repeating behaviour if we don't identify what triggers it? We alcoholics need to live in a different mental space - a space where spiritual life is all important - and not the same space as "normal" drinkers, "normal" people. If we keep hold of ego, pride, arrogance and envy, then we keep hold of the triggers to drink, to self-destruct, to sabotage ourselves.
A lot of alcoholics, nay, a lot of people, are co-dependent on another. There is a need to be with someone, to have someone in our lives; otherwise we are left with ourselves. Many people do not want be with themselves. That means thinking about things; maybe about yourself and your behaviour. It also means taking sole responsibility for things. A lot of us also see ourselves through the eyes of others. So, if we are in a relationship with someone who likes/loves/needs/wants us, then we are of value in the world as we perceive it.
Alcoholics have to learn to love themselves, to take responsibility for their own lives, albeit with the God of our understanding as a key player. However, God will only do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Not what we don't want to do, or can't be bothered to do, of are afraid to do for ourselves. In this He is hard but fair. If we put the work in on eradicating our defects of character, He will remove them just as He removed the obsession for alcohol.
We thought we could find an easier softer way - but we could not.
Nowhere in AA literature does it tell us it is easy to be sober (as opposed to being "dry"). But it does tell us over and over how worthwhile it is, and what our rewards will be.
Relationship-wise, a lot of alcoholics have a tendency to go backwards, to go back to the thing we know - the comfort zone - where we once felt fine. Even if that has gone "pear shaped", there is the alcoholic thinking that says "it will be OK this time, because now I know how to handle it". That same thinking that takes us to a drink.
We don't know how to handle either one: the old relationship, or the next drink. And, if your thinking is like this about a relationship, or a job, or a set of circumstances, then you have an alcoholic head. Which is to say being bombarded by "cunning, baffling and powerful alcoholic thinking."
It's time to give up and give over. Time to let go and let God. Time to take responsibility for your defects of character, and pray earnestly for help in overcoming them

KAREN,
Wednesday Night St Clair Street Group, Kirkcaldy