Hi, I'm Stewart and I'm an alcoholic. I came to AA at 24, thinking I was too young to be an alcoholic and, if I was looking for an excuse to keep on drinking, then I found it at my first meeting. I walked in and I thought everyone was old - a perfect excuse to have another drink. The guy that took me said to me after the meeting: "What did you think of that then?" I said: "It was ok, but I'm going to go to the bar and have a few vodkas to think about whether I am an alcoholic or not," and that's what I did.
Things got worse for me after that. I was telling myself 'I wasn't that bad. See if I get as bad as him I'll stop drinking'; or 'I won't drink that I'll drink this'; or 'if I hadn't been with them, I would have been ok.'
I came back to AA at 25 totally beat, but still wondered if I was an alcoholic. It was my dad who took me. He sat me down at the front of the meeting so that I would try and listen and I did. I heard if you don't lift the first drink you can't get drunk and that made sense to me. I know now that when I took that first drink it set up a craving for another one and, with every drink, the craving got worse. I would end up drunk with taking that first drink and had no choice about what my actions would be. I also heard about getting to many meetings as many meetings would make it easier, few meetings would make it hard and no meetings would make it virtually impossible for me to stay sober and I believed that.
I joined a group and helped set the room up for the meeting, or I would make the tea and coffee or be at the door greeting people. You see, if it hadn't been for the welcome I got, the handshakes and the hugs, I don't know if I would have stayed.
I kept coming back and I got better one day at a time and I was no longer alone. I didn't have that feeling, when sitting in a crowded bar, of being the loneliest person there. I had found fellowship in AA.
I am a father, son, brother, husband and now even a friend. I came to AA to stop drinking. Now I come to stay stopped and to help with my stinking thinking. I once heard someone say, "You are only as sick as your secrets," and I didn't know what he meant nor did I even think to ask him. Then, one day, the penny dropped and I realized that what he meant was, if you have a problem and you keep it to yourself, that problem in your head will get bigger and bigger and, before you know it, anger and resentment are back. These emotions could end up in a drink, so for me not to be as sick as my secrets I share them, whether it be in the rooms of AA or one-to-one.
I know from going to meetings it doesn't matter what age you are or where you come from or your background. Alcoholism doesn't care about those things. One of the things I used to hate people saying to me in the rooms was, "I wish I had got it at your age". I thought, 'What do they know?' I know now I didn't do as much damage as some alcoholics and that my kids didn't suffer as much as some. I could still help my kids through their growing up and be part of that experience, instead of missing out on it all. It has been great seeing them growing up. Sometimes it's been hard but it's always been worthwhile.
I'm 33 now and eight years sober and I wouldn't change it for anything.

WEE STEWART,
Bonhill Thursday Afternoon Group, Alexandria