Hello, my name is Jane and I am an alcoholic. This letter is long overdue but I am glad to be finally putting pen to paper. It’s almost three and a half years since I woke up after my last drink feeling despair, sadness, loneliness, anger and suicidal thoughts. These are just a few of the feelings that I had after each bout of drinking and even when not drinking my feelings of self-esteem and desire for life had been slowly ebbing away. What I did not know then was that I didn’t have to live like this. That, although I had tried many ways to control and enjoy my drinking, that being an alcoholic I would never do either. I had tried counselling for what appeared to be a problem with my drinking and I changed drinking habits, places and company. I read books on religion and philosophy and I had drifted in and out of relationships and made many bargains with God. Nothing and no-one could get me sober.
I never lost jobs, family or friends, so was I powerless over alcohol? Was my life really unmanageable? The answer friends, is yes. I had no direction left in my life. From a pub and club party animal I became an almost recluse house drinker, having self pity parties with special guests, Dolly Parton, Kenny Rodgers and Celine Dion singing for my pleasure. I believe I had reached my personal rock bottom and no longer could take the pain of the massive hole that was growing in my soul and the feeling of impending doom and fear that was always there waiting for me to open my eyes and take me back into my personal torture and daily nightmare.
However, the amazing thing for this wretched little girl was that her mother had come into the Fellowship six months previous to her last drink and was living a sober, contented and happy life which she graciously and desperately wanted to share with her baby daughter. When I had no other place to turn, I called my mum who arranged for me to attend my first meeting on 12th December 2002. From that night until today, I can say I have been on an amazing journey called ‘living sober’ through the Programme of Alcoholics Anonymous. I believe I have been blessed with this gift of sobriety to a new and contented way of living, due to being fearless and thorough from the very start. I have a sponsor who took me through the 12 Step Recovery Programme and helped me to understand the illness I suffer from. Today, I am an active group member of the Twelve Step Recovery group in Cumbernauld and have recently started attending Region, learning more about service and carrying our Intergroup’s conscience.
The hardest blow this alcoholic has received was the death of that lovely mum, ten months ago. She had been a real example to her daughter. However, I was sober and did not need to bathe myself in self pity or booze to overcome the hurt or pain I have felt since. Big Jane, I know you are there with me, just like my God and I, like many others, have to thank God for another day’s trials, tears and the chance to live sober and free.

From an eternally grateful alcoholic,

Baby Jane
Cumbernauld, Sunday Night 12 Step Recovery Group