To my Fellow AA Members in Scotland
Hello, my name is Cathy and I am an alcoholic. I was born in Coatbridge in 1937 and had a wonderful childhood. My father enjoyed a drink every Saturday night. He was a kind, loving husband and father and a hard worker until he died suddenly from a heart attack in 1955 aged 40 years. My mother never drank and she was a wonderful woman who dedicated her life to her family, before and after my father died. Although I didn’t come from an alcoholic home, I was aware of the fact that there were many drunks in our extended family and I noticed even way back then, the heartache that was caused by drunkenness. I was about 12 years old and always felt disgusted when I saw a drunk lying in the gutter. I made up my mind that the worst thing that could happen to me was to grow up to be a drunk. I decided then that if I never took a drink I could never get drunk. Simple logic!
I managed to stick to this resolve and my life was good. I achieved all the goals I set for myself until I picked up my first drink at the age of 22 years. By that time I was a registered nurse, I was married and had one son. I clearly remember my first taste of alcohol. I was at a Hogmanay party and was pressured, laughingly, to have a real drink instead of ‘that bloody lemonade’. I drank a large swallow of whisky. The result was terrific and instant. I immediately changed my mind about the demon drink. I felt so good that I could feel better with even more whisky. I woke up the next morning with a terrible hangover. I knew, somewhere, even then, that I loved the effect of being drunk and that scared me a wee bit. I remembered my thoughts as a child, that a drunk was a despicable person, and so I managed to become a closet drinker for many years. I had another son in 1960, a lovely daughter in 1964 and my marriage ended in divorce. I went back to Coatbridge and lived with my mother until 1969, when I emigrated to Australia with my three children. I had a sister, Susan, here who helped me with my kids while I worked. By this time I was very sick, physically, mentally and spiritually. I managed to work until 1972 and truly believed I was going insane. I went downhill very fast over the next two years and had seven admissions to psychiatric hospitals. My mother came to Australia in 1973 and looked after me and my kids as I was totally unfit to cope with anything by this time. I lied to every doctor I saw about my drinking as I felt so ashamed of what I had become. I was a patient in a local psychiatric hospital and had given up completely. I believed I was suffering from some rare mental illness that no-one else had suffered from and I lived with fear every waking moment. The only thing that eased the fear was booze but I knew I could not live like this much longer.
At this time I was visited by John, who had been born in Kilmarnock. He told me he was an alcoholic, a member of AA and that he had been sober for three years. This man came to the ward every day and I found myself telling him all about my drinking. He suggested I come to a meeting of AA. I knew I was a drunk but I thought an alcoholic was a homeless person who drank methylated spirits. He told me a little bit about this disease and I was interested enough to agree to go to an AA meeting. I left the hospital after being there for one week and went to my first AA meeting on 17th June 1974. I was seven days sober and a mental wreck. I identified as being an alcoholic at my first meeting by being able to admit and accept the First Step.
At my first attempt at sobriety, I managed to stay sober for ten months. I drank for two days and spent one week in the alcoholic ward of the psychiatric hospital where I was treated like a dog. I was much sicker than I had been the last time I drank. I realised that I didn’t know if there was any drinking left in me but I felt sure there was no more recovery. This saying and many other little clichés I had heard at AA meetings made more and more sense as time passed.
I had been a practising Catholic all my life but had completely lost faith in God over the last few years of my drinking. I went to plenty of AA meetings and still do. I am still learning something new every time. AA has been the only therapy that has helped me I tried everything else to no avail. I had my last drink on 9th April 1975 and have enjoyed my sober life immensely. My faith in God has been completely restored and I enjoy peace of mind that I never thought possible. I believe there is a dignity in being sober. I am so grateful to all the sober members who helped me in my early sobriety and also the younger sober members who continue to help me today. May God bless them and AA members everywhere.
I am Yours in Sobriety,

Cathy S.
ROCK ON – Newcastle, Australia